Forgiveness - By, Colleen Ladino

My very first Core meeting was a tough one. It wasn't because Jason or the other core members were mean to me, or because they didn't make me feel welcome, it was because of me. Before the meeting I had been particularly hard on my kids, they're little and can be challenging (and totally overwhelming at times), and I just felt like I wasn't being the mom I wanted to be to them. I had been yelling at them, scolding them and getting pretty angry at them (I may have even slammed a door.... or two :-). When I left the house I was just down, down on myself, down on my life, down on my kids...down.
When I got to the meeting the atmosphere was SO upbeat and happy (and loud at times :-), and I was the complete opposite. I just wanted to cry. I was trying to smile and be upbeat, but was having a tough time doing it. I was like, "how can I be all upbeat and smiley and happy here, when I've just been a total witch back at home?" Well, as the meeting went on I began to come around and I began to realize that I had to forgive myself and move on. I started to make peace with myself, and I vowed to apologize to my kids when I got home. I find that it's so important for me to apologize to them when I've acted in the wrong because, 1. I need to ask them for forgiveness and be forgiven, and 2. I need to tell them what I did wrong and use it as a teaching lesson so that they won't do the same thing (i.e., tell them, "You really shouldn't slam doors like mommy did, because it can break the door." :-)
As the meeting progressed and I forgave myself things started to get better, and then things got really great at mass. Why? Because all the readings were about....forgiveness. (It's amazing how God works in our lives, isn't it?). All I could do was smile and sing my heart out at mass, because God is SO good!
If you're struggling to forgive someone else, or forgive yourself (which can be even harder), I would like to offer this statement a priest made at a mass I was at a few years ago. He said something like this: God's mercy is like an ocean, a giant ocean. And ALL the sins, of ALL the people, of ALL the earth COMBINED, are but ONE drop of water in this ocean of HIS mercy. It doesn't matter how big we make our sins out to be, as long as we forgive, and ask for forgiveness (and take part in going to regular confession), it's all going to be okay. It really is.